Posted in Parenting and Random Shit

Stupid Things We Say

  • ‘No offense BUT…’:  Prefacing an insult with a disclaimer does not negate the offense.
  • ‘Everything happens for a reason’:  No shit, Sherlock. We all know that every action results in an equal and opposite reaction, we all know that death occurs because we aren’t immortal but I’m most confused by how this became the default expression of condolences. Who decided this was a comforting thing to say in the wake of a tragedy or grief?  An asshole, that’s who.
  • ‘He worked like a dog’:  I have four dogs. They spend the day eating, sleeping and licking their assholes. I’m not impressed.
  • ‘I’m sorry BUT…”:  This goes along with ‘no offense but…”.  When you add the word “BUT”, the apology is completely negated.  It’s a patronizing and passive aggressive attempt to disguise an effort to assign blame to the other person. If you’re sorry, apologize, if you’re not, don’t.
  • ‘Easy as pie’:  A pie is pretty fucking hard to make. I’m just sayin’.

What are some overused expressions that drive you nuts?

Author:

I am a stay at home mother with 4 children. I drink a lot of wine and curse like a sailor.

71 thoughts on “Stupid Things We Say

  1. The questions, “Are you okay?” or “How are you doing?” when something horrible has just happened are easily the most overused and idiotic questions I’ve ever heard.

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    1. After being in an armed robbery, and having a gun held in my face, I had every second person say to me “Ooh, I hear you’ve had a bit of excitement here…” No, it wasn’t really very exciting, I might have chosen a few other descriptions, but not exciting. So yes, stupid people say stupid things.

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  2. For me, pie actually is easy (sorry!) BUT (heh) I otherwise 100% agree.

    I agree that “everything happens for a reason” is down-right nasty. Really, you wanna tell that to someone that survived a genocidal attack on their ethnic group? One could list a long string of crimes that make clear the ugliness of this one.

    I’d also like to see “attitude is everything” and “you create your own reality” go into the scrap-heap of time. Equally nasty.

    Under the “just plain annoying (and lazy)” heading: Think outside the box, be proactive, low-hanging fruit and all the other business-isms we have to pretend are meaningful communication.

    And under the just plain inaccurate: “Slept like a baby” to mean “I slept well”, but that one’s a given. Obviously, it should mean, “I woke up multiple times – hungry and needing to go to the bathroom.”

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    1. I’ve had the “oh, my god, you look great, what have you done?” Trust me, it doesn’t do much for the confidence, it just leaves you wondering just how hideous you must have looked every other day of your life…. I actually responded with “so what do I normally look like then?” to someone once when I was having a particularly pissy day, they didn’t know what to say. I felt mean, but what are you meant to say to these people?!?!
      We had one customer who would start every conversation with “I don’t mean to offend you…” which just suggested that he was about to be rude, at an absolute minimum, and probably suggestive and demeaning as well…
      I’ve had the boss who, when asked how to do something because you said you didn’t know how, would respond with ‘you’ll be right’, then bitch and moan if it ended up wrong…
      You’ll be fine… It’s OK… I’m sorry for your loss… I hate generic platitudes.
      I nearly forgot, “Haha, it’s your turn now ” when you ask your mum how to deal with a screaming toddler who won’t settle (I must have done something right, she’s 21, and I swear to never repeat that line to her)

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  3. “I’m sorry IF you are offended” – I appreciate how elegantly someone turns the fault back to me for their own lack of manners.

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  4. “To be honest with you….” is generally followed by a lie.

    “Everything happens for a reason” is indeed total BS. What is true is “Shit happens.” I find it much more comforting to hear validation of my feelings that “this was a shitty thing to have happen.”

    “No offense, but…” had to be banned from my stepkids’ vocabulary. They were spectacularly adept at using it to insult me on a regular basis. Usually relaying stuff that their mother had to say about me.

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  5. I hate the phrase “It is what it is.” Every time I hear someone say that, I have to fight the urge to smack them.

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  6. “I don’t know how you do it” because I fucking have too, that’s why. Who else is gonna? The dog? The cat? Sorry they are too busy doing not a damn thing. Guess that leaves me, and if I don’t do it, shit don’t get done. Things don’t magically appear this way ya know. There aren’t magic elves that manage my life. Fuck, wait? Are there? Have I been lied too for a while?

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  7. “I’m sorry IF…” is a real doozie, I agree. “God helps those who help themselves”. It’s not an expression but the word “journey” used to describe anything but getting from point a to point b really ticks me off….”The making of this film was a journey…”, “therapy was a journey in to myself”….no it f***ing wasn’t!!!!! It was an experience!!! Oh and non-Indians who say Namaste just because they do yoga. Ahhhhhh…that felt good!

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  8. “it was in the last place I looked”! Of course it was! If you keep looking for shit after you find it you are a FUCKTARD!!!

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        1. In the same vein, ” honey, what did you do with my…..” Yes of course, the most logical explanation for your smelly shoes/watch/swimming goggles/hammer not being where you are sure you left them is that I decided to use them and then hid them in a special hiding spot so that only I would know where they are, so that I could have the pleasure if finding every item you own when you need them.

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      1. my stepdaughter always says…i can’t find my (fill in the blank), do you know where they are?…no i wasn’t the last one to wear/do/play with your shoes, shirt, pants, school bag, homework, etc… then her brand of looking is to walk into a room and just look at one portion of the room with out lifting anything or moving towards any possible areas of misplacement…drives me nuts!!!!! of course then she says, i looked EVERYWHERE and i will just walk into her room and find whatever it is

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  9. Just sayin’

    I know you ended your post with that but I assume that was intentional. It just annoys me.

    Also “same difference” uh no. It’s either the same or different. It cannot be both

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  10. One that bothers me along the lines of, “everything happens for a reason” is people who say, “Its God’s will” for things they are choosing not to take responsibility for. “It was God’s will I drove into that tree while drunk and killed 40 squirrels.” Or maybe it was just your own poor decision making.

    And I agree about business-isms. A few that bug me are ‘in terms of’ – just say what you want to say, it doesn’t have to be in terms of anything, and ‘vis-a-vis’, for the same reason.

    My husband’s pet peeve is “thank you in advance” because it assumes you will just do what you’ve been told and that’s the end of it.

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    1. “It was God’s will” is another one that drives me bonkers. It was God’s will that some maniac killed 50 kids camping on an island? How? That’s one person’s deranged way of thinking at work. Or that caused an earthquake that killed tens of thousands of people in (name the country)? No, I don’t think so. There’s no God at work there, if there is even a God, that’s just forces of nature. God’s will that a young child dies of cancer or other incurable disease? Or starved to death in the Horn of Africa? That one there’s on us. There is enough wealth in this world that no kid should ever starve to death anywhere. And no, “God” does not “need another angel in heaven.” If there is a God, he’s got billions of them already. He doesn’t “need” another one. Barf.

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    2. Ooh, for me it’s “God is good!” when someone shares good news. If you believe in God, and if you believe He’s good, then wouldn’t he be good regardless of whether your daughter won her scholarship or your mole was benign?

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  11. All you REALLY need to say is “Sorry, but I’m not sorry.” I WISH I could take credit for that, but I can’t — another blogger taught me that great line. But the point is that “I’m sorry, but…” is actually kinda pathetic, so just OWN IT and say “Actually I am NOT SORRY AT ALL that I feel this way!”whatever that way is!

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  12. I’m going to take a wild guess and assume that the “working like a dog” originally referred to sheep dogs or spit dogs – who run their butts off in a manner that makes professional athletes look lazy. There are no spit dogs anymore and sheep dogs generally play with kids instead of herd livestock these days so I think it’s time that we put the expression out of its misery.

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  13. Your last point actually made me laugh out loud. Pies are bloody hard to make!

    One saying that chaps my ass so hard is “Look it – “. My Dad starts every single fricken one of his sentences that way. “Look it, the way I see it is…” (or what have you)

    Look it? LOOK WHAT? What are you talking about?
    Sheesh.

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  14. …people who talk about being ‘in the current economic climate’, as if there’s some special weather system just for money, and that like the actual climate it’s something mere humans have no control over. These are often the same fuckwits who say ‘in terms of’ or ‘going forward’.
    I teach, and made the mistake of saying ‘cool beans’ at school the other day, as an expression of approval. I was actually laughed at – proper hooting – by a 13 year old. Language can age one terribly.

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  15. “Rule of thumb is…” I used it myself for a long time. Then I read that the term came from the good ole days where you could hit your wife with anything… as long as it wasn’t wider than your thumb without being charged with abuse. I’m not sure if that’s true or not, but I quit using the expression and it makes me cringe when I hear it. Regardless of it’s origin, it not paints an evil picture in my mind.

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  16. “At the end of the day…”

    I’m glad that “at the end of the day” you’ve – the universal you – justified whatever messed up thing you did. At the end of my day, I’m usually just tired.

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  17. “for all intensive purposes”. It’s supposed to be “intents and purposes” and even then it’s a stupid thing to say.

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  18. Just about anything that comes after “Mooooooom!” is usually irritating, such as: “Sam won’t let me play with (fill in blank with anything)”, “Tim punched me in the face”, “Andrew threw mac-n-cheese at me”, “Elizabeth won’t move away from the front of the TV!”, “Someone FARTED in here!”. Seriously, I just don’t care anymore, and some things I have never cared about. Deal with it.

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  19. Y’all are killing me here. I know the use of “y’all” probably drives some of you nuts, but it’s a regional expression. I love “y’all”. Have to agree with most of these, but the worst offender to me is, “You’ve lost weight. You look fabulous!” Am I supposed to say thank you? Ok, thanks for telling me I’m no longer a big, fattie fat, you skinny bitch. I know something similar was said earlier, but it’s virtually a whole ‘nother thing. Did I mention that I hate the way “virtually” is used and misused? I literally hate it.

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    1. Yes, I’m replying to myself. Oops. I used the word “but” in my previous post as an explanation, not an apology. I suppose that means I love using the word “y’all” more than I care about anyone’s possible sensitivity to it. Not sorry — It’s true. Everyone appreciates “y’all” in the virtual reality I’ve created for my inner self. Actual reality is beyond my control, as several here have noted. Thanks for that.

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  20. When my father suddenly passed of a massive heart attack years ago I realized how insensitive some of the “normal” comments are in condolence lines. The worst one was “how are you?”…really? how do you think I am? I’m on top of the world asshole!!! I admit I was also guilty of uttering that phrase, I guess we really don’t “think” about what we’re saying until we’re on the receiving end.

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    1. Lisa, that is so true. When mom died, a simple phrase such as, ” I’m so very sorry,” was great. I also hate, ” Let me know if there is anything I can do.” No one will let you know, so just do something. Anything.

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    2. Lisa, I agree. After my husband died people would say “I’m sorry to hear that you lost your husband”. Newsflash folks; he’s dead, not lost. I know exactly where he is.

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      1. Lol Olive…I’m sorry but I burst out laughing when I read your post 🙂 You are so right!!!! Sometimes the “play” on words sound good at the time but to the recipient it is taken literally.

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  21. So what we did next is… What I mean to say is… The next name I’m going to call is…. Just start the sentence already! Argh!

    And how about “And once again the idol is back up for grabs.” It should be “Once again the idol is up for grabs” or “The idol is back up for grabs.”

    Oh, and “Me and her, we’re going to…” Please, “She and I are going to…”

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    1. Lol, I totally agree with you. What doesn’t kill you definitely takes a heavy toll on you in one way or the other, unavoidably leaving you weaker! People should really stop using that phrase as a consolation

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      1. Yes! Then there are other things that don’t kill me, and have no effect on my strength whatsoever. Like for example the cat horking on my freshly changed bed. If I became one iota stronger every time that happened, I’d be Superman.

        Matter of fact, there are a whole lot of things that haven’t killed me. I’m not dead. So, that means everything in the universe.

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    2. Yes! Very similar to “whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” is “pain is only weakness leaving the body.” No, pain is pain, you idiot. You’re obviously doing something wrong. Get that checked out!

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  22. Two that really chap my ass.
    1) “If I were you …” ESPECIALLY if it’s unsolicited advice from someone you don’t like or know well (let’s face it, if it’s a sister, we’ll have to suck it up)
    2) “I could care less.” No, you COULDN’T care less, you uneducated douche. If you’re going to use a trite, overused, silly saying that should only be mouthed by 6 year olds, at least get it right.
    *Whew!* I think that one’s been building up.

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  23. There’s a radio guy who always says, “in about 10 minutes from right now…”. Look, it’s either in about ten minutes OR ten minutes from now. Not both.

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  24. I actually thought back and laughed at all the times when I’ve used these dumb phrases! *Guilty! Another one is ‘With all due respect …(insert poorly disguised insult here)’

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    1. “With all due respect” is usually perfect though because when someone says it they are basically saying you don’t deserve a bit of respect cause that is what they are about to give you – no respect.

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