Posted in Parenting and Random Shit

A Memo to Parents

I saw a news story the other day about some parents that were petitioning to have an ice cream stand banned from the public park they frequented with their children. Their reason, apparently, is that ice cream isn’t healthy and can lead to childhood obesity.  No argument here. The glaring problem to me is that, to these parents, the practical solution to mitigating such risks for their children involves navigating legal channels to have this ice cream entrepreneur banished from the park, as opposed to—oh, I don’t know—telling their child, “NO”.  Personally, if my child were to ask for ice cream at the park and I didn’t feel he/she needed an ice cream, I would just say, “no”. That’s it. Sure, there might be a little pleading that occurs, maybe some bargaining, Number Three might even shed a few tears.  They’ll get over it. I swear. There is no need for legal action to replace basic parenting. It’s like demanding that toys be banned from Target because your child asked you for Legos.

Let me give some advice: PARENT YOUR CHILDREN, PEOPLE! Your precious angel is going to survive hearing the word, “no” from time to time. Say it with me: “I’m the parent. My child is not the boss of me. I am the boss of him/her. I am the adult.”It is the same thing with celebrities. My daughter used to be a HUGE Hannah Montana fan. She sang all of her songs, had a costume, wore her clothing line and never missed the show or her movies. Then parents started making a buzz and a stink about Miley Cyrus, the actress that played Hannah Montana. They didn’t approve of her being photographed in public wearing provocative clothing. Photos of her partying were leaked. Parents were indignant and seemed to think Disney should have her flogged because, to them, she was not being a positive role model to Hannah Montana fans.  I mean, it begs the question, why the fuck are you letting your 5-11 year old read Perez Hilton and Star magazine? Put some parental controls on your computer.  As long as Hannah Montana isn’t posting panties pics on the web and smoking Salvia in her secret closet, parents should not be concerned with the antics of Miley Cyrus off camera—at least, not as a relevant issue to their young daughters. Parent your own children! It is not the responsibility of celebrities to teach your child values. It is yours. If Selena Gomez wants to make a sex tape and snort coke, that’s her prerogative. I won’t get my parent panties in a bunch as long as character, Alex Russo, doesn’t start snorting adderall and prostituting to fund her wizard school tuition. At the end of the day, it’s all pretty easy. Don’t look to celebrities to be role models for your children. You’re the parent! Your goal should be that they look to you as their role model. If your child tells you that she wants to make a sex tape so she can be like Paris Hilton and you need someone to blame, look in the mirror.  If you are concerned that a certain character, celebrity or athlete could negatively influence your child, it is your job, as the parent, to eliminate or, at least, mitigate the influence.  Step up to the plate.  I may think Vanessa Hudgens is a total dumbass for having nude cell phone pictures leaked to the public on more than one occasion but Vanessa Hudgens didn’t squeeze any of these kids out of the vagina she loves to photograph. Her personal life can only be a relevant influence on my children if I am asleep at the wheel.

Celebrities and athletes are not obligated to you or your children. If you have deferred to Miley Cyrus, Michael Vick or Rhianna and Chris Brown to instill morals and values in your child, you, the parent, are the only person responsible when or if they emulate their value systems and behaviors.  Celebrities are far better to be used as cautionary tales, not role models.

Author:

I am a stay at home mother with 4 children. I drink a lot of wine and curse like a sailor.

42 thoughts on “A Memo to Parents

  1. I don’t have kids (yet) and so when I say these things to my friends with kids they can easily write me off, give me that “just you wait” eye roll, and then move on with their day.

    Thanks for speaking such truth. And with such humor.

    Keep it up!

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  2. I think I’m falling in love with you. /dreamy sigh.

    This sentiment is something both my husband and myself are on the same page about. It is up to us, as the parents, to make sure we raise good kids.

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  3. Love it as usual.

    I don’t get parents who can’t say no. It’s really not that hard. You just take the letters N and O and put them together and say NO.

    And I’m with you on the role model thing. I do notice that the celeb parents who say NO, tend to have the kids who stay non fucked up the longest.

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  4. Thank you! I cannot express how often I hear the same crap and I continue to wonder what happened to people parenting. I guess people got lazy and want to find the quickest and easiest thing to blame rather than themselves for not being invovled.

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  5. From Ice Cream to Celebrities… a mightly leap. I can go there. As much as I want to have “them” behave better the celebrities are just not gonna budge to my desires. I do wish though that our American Companies would follow the European rules here aaaaand abroad… not the story you have here but it’s a wish… (won’t post the blog here where I discovered that coca-cola, Kraft and Walmart actually leave color and some bad ingredients out of their foods abroad because people pushed for it?!) I guess the bottom line is… choose your battles and I have to agree that Miley Cyrus is a no-go as well as the other’s you mention.

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  6. Ok so I have been reading all your posts and girl I wish I could pat you on the back…thanks for saying all the shit we other parents need to say!
    Plz check out our prayer wall on fb we have for one of our twins. He was diagnosed with cancer a year and a half ago I just want you to see our pics my Hubby and I have been together 15 yrs on the 25th coming up and we have 5 beautiful kids its not always a walk in the park we do have our good times but we are pretty stricked because open your eyes ppl and see the world for what it is! It nothing like how it was when we where growing up and we all have to catch on quick because we can’t look back and say damn I really really fucked up. We don’t get second chances with our kids they grow up fast….too fast
    N e way…thank you again and feel free to email me or post on our wall..

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  7. Wow! I don’t have kids myself, but completely agree! Who the heck thinks that celebrities make good role models? for children or adults? Seriously. I don’t care what they do, think is cool or a good cause, or the lifestyle they choose to live as long as they entertain me when I get screwed paying for their tickets. In fact, I would prefer they shut the eff up so that I can stop hearing about their causes. I am an adult who can make my own decisions about the life I chose to live and things I care about. I don’t need some famous person who has nothing to do with me telling me what they believe in. And the same goes for any kid I hope to pop out in the future. People need to stop blaming schools, or snack machines, or snack companies for “making” their kids fat and look at the lifestyle they’ve chosen for their families and themselves.

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  8. You are awesome! I’ve been thinking this for YEARS! I may not be a parent, but I’ve seen kids that I know need a good dose of ‘NO’! I grew up with my parents telling me what was right and wrong. I watched things like ‘Becker’ and such with my parents that had cursing in it. I was told those were ‘bad words’ and I wasn’t to use them. When I did, I was reminded very firmly (by either a spanking or scolding) I wasn’t allowed to say those, only adults were. I learned quickly that curse words were not for my mouth and if Mom and Dad said no, they meant NO.

    That didn’t mean I could whine, complain, scream, cry or even nagotiate. The word no meant it wasn’t happening. This is how my kids will be raised and I’ll be happy to let them see celeberties screw up so I can tell them “You see what they did? That’s not ok. They did a bad thing and you are not allowed to do that.” They will learn that just because someone is on tv, or they see someone else getting an icecream, does not mean they have a right to do it to.

    I was taught the “do as I say not as I do” way, and while I don’t think that’s very fair, I also understand that just because they do it, doesn’t mean I can. it’s their house and their rules, not mine. My kids will learn that if mommy stumps her toe and screams the ‘f-bomb’ accidently doesn’t mean they can do it. They will learn that there is a difference between adult expectation and child expectation. Just because they see a singer were a tiny skirt to where you can easily see their undies doesn’t mean they get to wear one. “I want to wear that!” “No” “But whyyyy!?!” “That’s not for you. When you get older ask me again.” By then they will have learned that wearing tiny skirts and a shirt that barely covers more then their bra is not acceptable day-to-day clothes unless they want to work the corner…or have a million-dollar-a-day contract with a record company that says they have to wear it for one photo-shoot to keep their job. Even then they’ll know to draw the line at where THEY feel comfortable because their mother raised them on the word ‘no’.

    To this day I’m not allowed to say fuck in the house. I’ll say it outside the house and out of my parents hearing-rang, but they don’t want me to say it in their house.

    COMPLETELY ACCEPTABLE!

    I may be 20, but I still live under their roof with their money feeding my mouth everyday. They have every right to excersize their rights as parents and heads of the house with such rules.

    I love your posts because they confirm to me that I am not a crazy person in the way I think, because so often are we similar it seems. The idea that someone would take legal action because someone is selling icecream in the park is absurd, and they need to remember the simple fact they have the power to say no and to punish a child when they have a ‘magnitude 9’ tantrum. If the kid screams or cries because they didn’t get what they wanted, promptly tell them that if they want to stay at the park or come to the store with you again, they best stop crying or their going home.

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  9. I loved this! It so true. Parents fail their children everyday. Many take no responsibility and expect the school, the media or celebrities to parent their children and set an example. It’s parental fuckery at its finest.

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  10. After reading some of your recent posts and thoroughly enjoying them, I nominated you for The Kreativ Blogger Award! I’m in Massachusetts, currently studying English & Education, and love the WordPress atmosphere! If you haven’t heard of this award, it’s an award passed from blogger to blogger to share with their readers. Check out where I mention you here: http://katieincolor.wordpress.com/2012/04/12/kreative-blogger-award/ … And keep up the great writing, I love it 🙂

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  11. Please pass on my suggestions to the parents who seem to have difficulty keeping their kids from eating the ice cream:
    1. Say no. The worst that can happen is a tantrum and, with proper training and enough time, they won’t throw one.
    2. Don’t give them money. They won’t be able to buy it if you don’t give them the means. If they’re old enough to have their own money (teens), they (or friends) can drive so location will not matter and they won’t be bringing you along wherever they’re getting their ice cream anyway.
    3. Teach them that stealing is wrong or just let the police do it for you – clearly they need to understand how the legal system works if they are somehow getting ice cream without money or parental approval.

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  12. I literally had milk come out of my nose when I saw “look how many fucks I give!”
    I’m still giggling. Thanks for your awesomely hilarious blog 🙂

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  13. Oh my god how DARE you suggest I say NO to my children they will be TRAUMATISED if they see ice cream and aren’t allowed to instantly shovel it into their mouths by the fistful

    and Miley Cyrus needs to stop exposing her filthy sinful body because sluts.

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  14. Amen and AMEN. I totally agree that we have to stop legislating and blaming our way through parenting. Parents are the first and most important teachers of our children and I wonder what we’re teaching them by blaming all of our kids’ issues on the society that we live in rather than accepting our responsibility as parents.

    If our teens tried to blame poor grades on their teachers for assigning too much homework, the coach for scheduling a weekend practice or their friends for throwing a party we’d lecture them to no end about being responsible. Don’t we owe it to them and ourselves to be responsible for our role as parents?

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      1. well, you may appreciate this. i found you through Daddy Knows Less’s blog, but when I clicked on the link and quickly scanned your page I first thought the caption above your head said “Queen of the crotch!” I was like, wtf?? So, apparently I was more tired than I thought…..

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