The Virgin Valuation

You like that title? I went all “Big Bang Theory” on that shit. They should hire me as their title writer. I’d be awesome. Moving on…

I saw an article recently, announcing that the 2012 Purity Ball was in the works and couldn’t wait to reserve a spot for my husband and daughter! She will be wearing a beautiful ball gown and we will adorn her hair with pretty flowers and her father will dress in a tuxedo and they will go and dance together until the ceremony begins. Then my daughter will look her daddy in the eyes and pledge her virginity to him until marriage and then her father will vow to defend and protect her virginity to the death or until she is married. I know some people think it is a bit strange but, don’t worry, we are going to go to an attorney, after the verbal agreement, to get documented legal ownership of her hymen, of course.  We aren’t idiots! Since she is just a girl, she can’t be trusted with making choices for herself, now or in the future. As a father it is his job to ensure that her future husband gets first dibs on our little girl. Until then, her daddy is going to be hyper vigilant to keep her hymen intact!

Okay, seriously, am I the only one that finds the purity ball scenario beyond fucking weird? Girls, starting in preschool, being dressed up for a date with their daddies, where they will vow to remain “pure” until marriage and their daddies will assume the role of gatekeeper of his daughter’s vagina. First of all, I take issue with “pure” being a euphemism for virginity. Pure is defined as “free from contamination”, “clean”, “untainted”. A girl’s value is not inside her vagina, precariously contained only by the hymen, like a tupperware lid.

If you teach your daughter that her virginity is a “gift” for a future husband, you are inadvertently teaching your daughter to objectify herself.  I, for one, don’t want my daughter to think  that the most relevant contribution that she can make to her future husband lies between her legs. I also don’t want my daughter to think of sex as something that will render her “tainted”, “impure” or “damaged goods”. In that same vein, I don’t want my sons to objectify girls or view them as conquests. I don’t want any of my children qualifying the worth of themselves or others on the basis of a sexual history. I’m going to try the road less traveled and try to instill confidence and self worth in my children and teach them to respect themselves and their bodies. I don’t want my sons having indiscriminate sex any more than my daughter. You just don’t see me organizing a party that would culminate in my sons pledging his penis and sperm to me until he meets a girl I decide can have a run at him.

On a related note, have you seen this shirt:As a mother to three sons, I just don’t find this train of thought all that amusing. I know it is tongue in cheek but I also know that a lot of parents still do think it is funny and/or necessary to do things like hold or clean a gun when meeting their daughter’s date. The threat is clear, whether through subtle or direct means that, “if you touch my little girl, I’m coming for you.” I’ll just say, if a parent of one of my sons’ future dates were to make threats of violence or brandish a gun to imply a threat for no other reason than he was picking her up for a date, there would be a problem. If your daughter were to come to my home to go out with my son and I pulled out a gun and told her to keep her hands off of my precious little boy, what would you think?