Posted in Parenting and Random Shit

Lessons Learned from Blogging

 

I have been taken to task in the comments section of some of my recent posts.  Here are a few of the things that I have learned, so far, from authoring a blog:

  • A large portion of the population have no concept of sarcasm, satire or hyperbole and will take any statement employing these literary devices as completely literal.
  • Since I have a vagina, I am expected to act like a lady and ladies do NOT, under any circumstances, use words like “fuck”. That makes one “un-ladylike”. Being called “un-ladylike” is interchangeable with terms like “dyke”, “cunt”, “whore”, etc.  (I need to remember to add those titles to my resume!)
  • Making a wish of a violent end to someone or a direct death threat is a perfectly rational response to a blog post you dislike or disagree with.
  • Despite the fact that this is MY blog, that I own and I pay for, I am expected to conform to the standards dictated by the polite police and the “Act Like a Lady or You’re Gunna Die” foundation members that found their way to my blog.  Those guys are neat-o.
  • I shouldn’t be blogging, since it take time away from me being in my kitchen and making sandwiches. From what I gathered from a lot of the responses, making sandwiches should be taking up the majority of my day. I’m not that big of a sandwich eater, nor are the kids—I mean, we like to eat *A* sandwich here and there but it seems like making sandwiches all day, every day would just be wasteful, really.
  • Children should NEVER be picked up from school, for any reason. Not making children walk home in inclement weather is the end of civilization and the very reason that the entire world hate us. It has nothing to do with our foreign policy. Now I want to know which presidential candidate is going to address this glaring issue?
  • If people don’t like a blog, you would think that the logical answer would be that said people just close the tab in their browser window and move on with their lives.  Well, you would be mistaken. Evidently, the expected solution is that the blog be shut down by the author or the interwebz police. If you can’t make everyone happy, the shit must be stopped!

Moral of the story: There are some crazy mother fuckers in the world.

 

 

Author:

I am a stay at home mother with 4 children. I drink a lot of wine and curse like a sailor.

114 thoughts on “Lessons Learned from Blogging

  1. Indeed there are and I don’t know about you, but I am proud to be one of them! 🙂 Fuck em and feed em fish heads, because they sure aren’t worth walking backwards over – that’s what I always say anyway!

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      1. With so many people working so hard to keep women from speaking, it makes me wonder why they’re so scared to hear what we have to say. That doesn’t mean everything every woman says is pure genius, but it certainly makes me wonder what it is about women’s free speech (written or otherwise) that freaks people the fuck out.

        This, too – if being ladylike means letting every person on the whole planet judge how I speak or behave, and cave to his or her opinion, then I’m quite happy not to be a lady.

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  2. Well I love you and your un-ladylike posts and that’s what matters,right? lol

    (What’s that saying… if somebody doesn’t like something you said, you’re obviously not doing something right… or something like that! You’re doing it all right, so forget about the haters.)

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  3. Don’t change a thing, lady. Your posts are a joy.

    Fuck Sandwiches, and fuck the polite police. This blog is for you, not for wankers with no sense of humor or creativity.
    Jenny

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  4. People are sending you death threats because they don’t like what you’re posting?? Wow. Can you say psycho? I can’t stand people that go looking to create drama.. Keep doin what you do mama, fuck the haters 🙂

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    1. Oh, yes! I’m pretty sure I deleted them all, though. There are still plenty that are visible that say “I hope you die” or “I hope you get run over by a bus”, etc. I just deleted the direct threats of violence and death. I think I got all of them, at least.

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      1. Actually, if you really felt like proving your bitchiness to them, you could file charges against each and every one of them who made actual threats. It’s a felony offense in most states to make threats over the internet, and if they’re in a different state from you, that actually bumps it up to a federal crime. Something idiots should probably be aware of before they go posting death threats instead of reading something else when they get their panties in a twist… Love your blog, keep the awesomeness coming!

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  5. Oh, noes! Blogs can have foul language? Quick, fetch my fainting couch – I feel an attack of the vapors comin’ on!

    And – dear gods above and below! There are people who disagree with me??? This MUST NOT BE! It cannot be allowed! Submit now, all of you, or face the unending flames of my online ranting. You will respect mah authoritah!

    And seriously – death threats? Not cool, folks. Also, very much illegal.

    ::shakes head sadly:: Fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke.

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  6. So sorry I just found your blog..I frankly feel the use of fuck expresses how we feel better than any other word…Oh, I feel like heck, darn, poop, crap etc.

    Blog ON..You have a fan!

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      1. Simple enough. There are people who enjoy being offended – it gives them a sense of purpose. For want of something legitimately offensive, they’ll find something benign and work themselves into a lather over it. Cursing on a website? That’ll do.

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  7. I just started reading your blog this week, and I gotta say, I am hooked. I love how you tell it like it is! Dropping an F bomb here and there seems to make me feel SO much better, mind you if children are near, it’s usually in my head or under my breath. 🙂 It’s like a release of tension!! lol! Keep writing and keep me smiling and nodding along with you!

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  8. I subscribed to your blog after reading a post on Facebook about boys liking girls and showing it by beating the shit out of them. As the mother of a 6 year old girl, I cheered you on paragraph after paragraph. You write like I think! As for the haters, let em hate! Fuck them and their all too serious lives!

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  9. brilliant, you are just brilliant. voicing all the things we are told to SHUT IT about…thank you for your gorgeous boldness…i feel a poem coming on inspired by you…grrrrrrrrrr

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  10. The real tragedy of the You Didn’t Thank Me blog response, is that the sheer volume of unnecessary posts – flaming, scolding, unsolicited criticism of writing style – has drowned out and suffocated any possibility of a lively debate or discussion. I made several thoughtful posts there, and I have seen several thoughtful posts, and responded to many, but rarely have I received a response – or if I did, I didn’t see it.

    Stubborn and dedicated as I am, I have read or at least skimmed every single post thus far – what are there, like 1000? – looking for the the few scattered gems in the mountain of bullshit, but mostly what I got for my trouble was waking this morning with a blazing headache. Feh. Too bad there is no such thing as a fuckwit filter. It would automatically delete all the crappy posts and leave a nice, lean and manageable discussion thread.

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      1. All righty, then! I’ve been thinking about it. I like the way Fuckwit Filter(tm) sounds, so it would be a shame not to have a product to go with it. Hmm…developing the algorithms used by the spam filtering products would work, but would also be tedious and time-consuming. There must be a way we can trick fuckwits to sort themselves out…

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    1. I totally agree. I have been so thankful for your responses, as someone making sound, rational statements. There have been plenty of people that dissented from my opinion that were making reasoned arguments, also. I agree that those looking for to make intelligent responses to this were the minority, sadly.

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      1. Thank you, my Queen! I was beginning to feel invisible. I just want attention! 😉

        I’m new here…came from a friend’s Facebook link. I never had children, so in these discussions I speak not as a Mom, but as a Childhood Survivor. I like to believe that things are getting better for the younger generations, but it seems sometimes there are things that have not changed one whit in the 40+ years since I first navigated the public elementary school jungle.

        I would have liked to see an expanded discussion on the institutionalized misogyny that another commenter elaborated on so well. Maybe the subject will come up again.

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  11. irrational reactions often drown out possibilities for lively and functional debates, don’t they? it is a result of the hormones related to anger and fear…they overwhelm the brain so as to create that fight-or-flight response… i guess that can happen in blogging, also…how curious? logic drowns and gives way to reactionary verbal violence (verbal in a blog, physical elsewhere). be stubborn, be dedicated to real dialogue! because hopefully the over-reactionaries will simply weed themselves out as they drown in their own terror of real thought…

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      1. yeah, inno… so shall we surface and not let the lively intelligent debate drown? where would you like to go from here? 😉 new to blogging, i mostly write poetry and like to armchair philosophize. what’s next? i am gonna keep reading the couchqueen and see where she takes it! meow~

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      2. Me too; I think she’s awesome.

        Water wings! That’s what we need. Or maybe just a big floating lounge chair, the kind with a cupholder. There’s a feature.

        😛

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  12. I just found your blog and love it! I too enjoy the use of the word fuck. However, my husband has ever so graciously asked me to stop using it. He is okay with divulging personal details about our lives on the internet often at the expense of his own shortcomings, so I figure substituting Eff is a fair compromise. Anyhow, I also do not and will not ever understand people who seem to have such a vitriolic reaction to the opinions of others and their manner of voicing said opinions. It serious blows my effing mind 🙂 Keep writing the good shit sister and eff all the others.

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    1. I love Eff! The first time I heard my brother use it, I about busted a gut laughing. Sometimes Fuck needs a rest, so it doesn’t get too worn out. Eff is always cheerful, and ready to take on the light duty stuff, so that Fuck can rest up and save its strength for the heavy loads.

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  13. WHAT??? I thought for sure everyone loved the word fuck. I know I sure do.
    The only people I know who are concerned about women being ladylike are chauvinist pigs (both male and female).

    “it’s my blog and I’ll say fuck if I want to” should be your new tag line

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  14. Hahahaha! I’ve been blogging for almost a year now, and I still don’t understand why people go out of their way to make rude comments on my blog. It’s like they troll the internet just to share their anger or something.

    I mean seriously, why is it so hard for people to exit out of the page or go to another website rather than write me a paragraph about home much they hate what I said or correct me on something that I know like the back of my hand. I don’t even correct my opinions when my friends disagree with me, so why should I care about some random person’s opinion? Thanks for this post!

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  15. Well Queen of the Couch, I thoroughly enjoy your “tell it like it is” approach to blogging. So, to all those people who don’t agree with the way you write and the words you choose to use, I’d like to join you in telling them to “stay the fuck of your blog” and to find someone else to criticize, like their husbands, boyfriends, children, wives, girlfriends etc. “If you can’t stand the heat, get the fuck outa the kitchen.”

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  16. They need to just deal. Fucking losers. You are fucking awesome. Honest, real and hilarious. A little quote I think you’ll like.
    “Trash talked by many. Hated by some. Guess how many fucks I give? It’s less than one.”
    Blog on siter, blog on.

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  17. OK – I must say the camel toe picture is priceless. I also find it highly amusing when people don’t understand sarcasm and satire – to the point where I will overuse it when someone is being completely clueless. You go, girl! I love reading your blog. And tell those Negative Nancy’s to kiss off. 🙂

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  18. Well, well. I think when you get all those “do-gooders that don’t throw stones and think they are better than everyone else but have nothing better to do than bash people they don’t know on the internet” types, they call it making it in the blog world.

    It’s your space, say what you will, always makes me laugh. As long as it’s causing no one any harm, who cares. I think those people need to go make some sammiches pronto!

    Keep on girl:-)

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  19. Love it! So glad I subscrbed to your blog. There are those things in life I’d either cry about or laugh my ass off about. In just the first two columns I’ve read, you’ve shrunk my ass to near nothin’.

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  20. I used to swear. My husband asked me not to. I now find that when I think of using an obscenity, I can usually find a substitute: “eff” or “shoot” or “dang” or “oh no!” all work just fine. I don’t like it when my elementary-school-aged kids hear or see or use obscenities, but they don’t read your blog. I prefer not to listen to the standup comedians on Comedy Central who insist that every other word be obscene. But, I definitely agree that people who don’t want to read obscenities should simply “X” out of the window and not leave nastygrams on your comments page. Can’t we all just get along?

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  21. Another great post today! Like you, I feel no need to please everyone. What you see is what you get and if you don’t like what you see, I probably wouldn’t like you anyway!

    Keep it up. Look forward to your posts.

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  22. Those “”polite police and the “Act Like a Lady or You’re Gunna Die” foundation members that found their way to my blog. Those guys are neat-o”” people can have TWO slices of Minny’s pie*.

    *The Help is my current favorite movie (;^)

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  23. Well, so far I think you are fucking brilliant but I have been to busy making sandwiches to read too far back. I will have to work harder to see where you go awry, or maybe you have always had a trashy mouth. One can only hope. I personally get really tired of mommy blogs that continually try to shoot sunshine and skittles up my ass.

    Joke ’em if they can’t take a fuck.

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  24. Huh, I wonder if there’s a way for you to report the crazies for harassment and threats? Personally, I’d love to watch their self-righteous, bigoted little heads spin when someone tells them that’s not acceptable behavior and you’re free to write whatever in the hell you’d like on YOUR blog.

    Here’s what I want to know. What exactly do people expect now-a-days for their definition of “ladylike” behavior? Shall we still to the Elizabethan period and walk around suffering in silence, with our tiny little fans, curtsying and offering our hands to be kissed?

    Dictionary.com defines it as:

    1.a woman who is refined, polite, and well-spoken:
    2.a woman of high social position or economic class:
    3.any woman; female (sometimes used in combination):
    4.(Used in direct address: often offensive in the singular): Ladies and gentlemen, welcome. Lady, out of my way, please.
    5.wife: The ambassador and his lady arrived late.

    So technically, you follow at LEAST 3 out of 5 definitions which would actually make you VERY ladylike. Also, how does your language turn you into a lesbian or mean that you offer yourself for money?? I think people have completely forgotten the ACTUAL meaning of words they use, yet they think you’re the ignorant one incapable of stating what you have to say without the use of descriptive wording? At least you use them in the correct content. Igits.

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  25. I thought that The Post in Question was awesome. I’ve already told you so, and I tell you again. Having blogged for quite some time, there’s always going to be haters. As the wisdom goes, it’s how you know you’ve arrived. I’d said you arrived in crazy style.

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  26. Jeez! I Love this blog! Who give a fuck about the haters? Let them hate and stew in the pool of their own fail. It’s funny that half the stuff people say online they know they wouldn’t even have the balls the size of a sunflower seed to say in real life. Keep being real.

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  27. I almost hate to comment because it would ruin the “69” as the number of comments to this point.
    They’re only leaving those kind of comments because it’s part of the mental illness that goes along with their small penises. They gotta blame someone……

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  28. The thing about sandwiches reminds me of an anecdote I hope you’ll like 🙂

    When I was a student, I was working summers at a steel mill. One day, I notice one of my co-workers – a loving father of four – has had tomato sandwiches all week. When I asked him why, he laughed and told me this.

    Every year, Mommy-at-home goes away on vacation with her sister for 2 weeks. Since Dad is a tad tired that the kids take everything mom did for granted, and especially excelled in the art of whining about the food she cooked, he had an idea. He bought tomatoes by the crate and ultra-white super-sandwich bread (his favourite). When the kids asked what was for lunch/dinner, the answer inevitably came day after day, for 2 weeks: tomato sandwiches. He personaly didn’t mind, cause he liked it a lot. But the kids!!! NOW, they were whining for something! He told them, you mom is the cook in the house. I don’t know how and I don’t have time and I don’t care. You can have all the tomato sandwiches you want. No limit.

    Of course, mommy and dad were in on it together 😉

    This had 2 very happy side effects: feeding the kids for real cheap AND, when mommy came back, he said, you wouldn’t believe how much she was showered with gratitude and relief! “We’re so GLAD you’re home!!! Dad fed us tomato sandwiches ALL 2 WEEKS!!!!” and “OMG your food is SO good!!!” and thank yous and kisses and we love yous.

    For a couple weeks. 🙂

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  29. Hell yeah there are …. truth be told the ones telling you not to speak that way are the very ones who need not have an opinion. If you don’t like the shit, don’t read it… I personally love your blog..

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  30. So sorry… not quite sure what’s wrong with people. I just recently found your blog and I love it. I’ve never followed a blog until this week and I look forward to reading more! Maybe the others need to pull that stick out already….

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  31. I just found your blog and have been laughing for fifteen minutes straight. I have to keep it down because my husband and mother-in-law think I’m “working”. You’re making it really hard.

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  32. I recently discovered your blog because of the “he just likes you” post. I have read back pages and pages of your blog and think it’s right on. Keep on, keepin’ on! Don’t change anything!
    I had (not so) anonymous horribly degrading comments on my blog and it was upsetting for .2 seconds until I came to the same conclusion you have: IT’S YOUR CHOICE TO READ MY BLOG SO STOP COMPLAINING! Ugh. So sorry for people who harass. We think the internet makes us anonymous and the person we’re messaging is somehow also not a real person. If it’s not something you’d comment to my face, don’t comment this on my blog. That’s a good life rule, right?

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  33. LMFAO (note the letter “F” ;D): camel toe!!! I saw the hoopla regarding the comments you received, and I totally agree with you. You don’t like it, close the tab, genius, or unsubscribe. And thanks for your insights with respect to blogs, as I’m finally tackling my 4-year long desire to start my own 😉

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  34. Pfffft. I make sandwiches AND blog at the same time. What is wrong with you, you foul mouthed, non sandwich making wench? 🙂 Some people are idiots. I don’t know why I find myself surprised on a daily basis at the rampant asshattery in the world today. Send them all to douche bags anonymous and be done with it. I love your blog and your sense of humor.

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  35. The problem is that there are always people who are upset by the behavior of others. This is why there are gay marriage issues, for example. Rather than minding their own business, people make it their jobs to put a stop to the things that “bother” them.

    Many things we consider personal choices become public debates of mass proportion. It totally sucks. I am so sorry to hear that people are personally targeting you in such a terrible (and unproductive) way.

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  36. I choose not to swear much. That’s my choice.
    You choose to swear much. That’s your choice.

    Hmmm, did I really need all those years of college and grad school to figure that one out?

    And the next crazy that makes a threat on your life? File charges. Seriously. Maybe then they’ll be forced to take their meds.

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  37. LOVE your blog – love your use of language – ALL of it. Glad you are reporting the posts that are truly diabolical. Thanks for making my laugh out loud and chuckle a little all day. I posted your post about boys picking on girls cause they like them to my FB page and my blog – ur awesomeness.

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  38. OMFG! You are simply the funniest. I absolutely LOVE your blog & your candor. DO NOT STOP…EVER 🙂
    Isn’t it funny how the PC brigade ALWAYS seem to be drawn to fun non PC people. They are like moths to flames. They just cannot help themselves. Maybe we are their food source, for without us, they would shrivel up & die!

    I have no option but to follow you…shocking I know! 😉

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  39. There is this old german saying… something about “it’s always the best fruits that the wasps gnaw at”. I’m too lazy to look it up and translate it correctly, but you get the idea, I suppose :).

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  40. Every time you cuss, it makes the baby Jesus cry…Just saying.

    And while you are in the kitchen making sandwiches, could you make me one? Sounds delicious.

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  41. “Make your own fucking sandwich”! :):)… so there I was, 5, maybe 6 weeks from my due date, and my father-in-law shows up with 2 guys to help my husband do a quickie reno on the crappy family room in our basement before the arrival of the baby. Now, not that I am not incredibly grateful – the room looks great and they busted it out in six days with a 13-hour drive at either end – but when your daughter-in-law is gigantic, about to pop, and sick on the couch (and the toilet – let’s be honest here) from carrying your first grandchild in her uterus for almost 9 months, don’t tell her that she should make the fucking ham sandwiches for you guys! You’re lucky I got my fat ass to the grocery store and heaved that damn meatwad home.
    I love your blog, you are the Queen.

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  42. HAHAHAHA!!!! What a great mood booster!! Thank you so much! XD

    There are some crazy ass people out there… You cuss. Who cares? You rant. Who cares? You use satire and are a mother who knows how to bitch up a storm when pissed….

    WHO FUCKING CARES!?

    Your amazing. Your funny. You have an opinion and woman that’s a great thing. Opinion is amazing! Being able to voice it on a blog YOU FUCKING PAY FOR? Even better! How about they complain when your using a blog on a site THEY pay to keep running, huh? Jeez…That final picture says it all! Don’t like what you read?

    DON’T JOIN THE DAMN FAN CLUB!

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  43. What I see (a friend directed me to you a few days ago) is that you aren’t killing anyone, harming anyone or forcing anyone to join your cult or adhere to its teachings. Your posts inspire me and make me smile when you talk snarky to me. You’re ok in my book.
    The apparent moron-commenter infestation you have, however, seems to think that killing people and forcing them to join their cults is cool. It makes me want to send them pretty pictures of things that will induce trauma when thinking of the things they once loved (like creepy old men with strange skin diseases making sandwiches in the nude).
    Of course, they could always just stop reading. I don’t think anyone has a gun to their heads so they’re either phenomenally stupid or they are actually enjoying reading (for whatever reason). It’s not like you’re doing something they must be concerned about and watch closely out of actual concern – like juggling your children naked in a rock garden for the entire world to see. They just want to lash out at someone in some misguided attempt to assert their existence so they’ll feel better about their own wasted lives and lack of brain activity.

    Like

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