Posted in Parenting and Random Shit

Family Lesson #413-The Trash Can and Its Appropriate Use

The trash can seems to be one of the  more confusing household staples for my family.  I have no idea why.  It seems pretty basic: Use a trash bag to line the receptacle and put trash in trash receptacle. When the trash can is full, remove the bag containing the trash and place on curb on trash day.  Repeat.  Somehow, one or more of these steps seem to be overlooked by my dear family on a regular basis.  I have decided, for their sakes, to elaborate on this subject.

  1. If you take the last juice box, pack of fruit snacks or pack of popcorn, THROW THE FUCKING BOX AWAY.  I am not sure if my family is just lazy or if they are operating under the delusion that a philanthropic group of pantry elves are replenishing the items that they empty.  This is something I have to do every. single. day.  I don’t know how to make anyone understand that when it is empty, it is EMPTY!  When you walk away from the pantry and refrigerator, you walk past the damn trash can!  I get that these containers can weigh up to SEVERAL ounces but I think you can manage the extra weight between those 5-7 steps.
  2. If there isn’t a bag in the trash can, do NOT put trash inside.  I know, I know!  To walk the 5 steps over to the cabinet, remove a trash bag, shake it open and place inside the trash can can take up to 30 seconds and who has that kind of time?  If you could just make a little room in your busy schedules, perhaps between fucking off and fucking off, and take that extra step, it would be so appreciated.
  3. If you have taken the extra time to replace the trash liner and you notice that others have disregarded the previous rule, why do you insist on pretending like you don’t see the trash lying at the bottom of the unlined can?  COME ON!  Do me a solid and grab the empty paper cup and fruit snack wrapper and put it inside the trash bag.
  4. When the trash is full, remove the full bag and replace it with a new trash bag.  Do NOT just continue piling trash up to the point of complete overflow.  In the time that it took you to carefully balance that empty juice box on top of the mountain of trash protruding from the top of the trash can, you could have just replaced it.
  5. When you peel a banana, feel free to throw the peel in the trash.  Don’t leave it lying on the counter.  When you are done with that paper towel, throw it away.  This goes for any bit of trash that you are responsible for. 

I am out of ideas on how to make this concept easy to understand.  Especially, since it seems like such a simple fucking concept without need for such extensive explanation.

Please tell me that I am not the only one.


I am a stay at home mother with 4 children. I drink a lot of wine and curse like a sailor.

30 thoughts on “Family Lesson #413-The Trash Can and Its Appropriate Use

  1. I don’t know where you are, or what the rules are there, but from a Torontonian perspective, your point #5 is wrong, wrong, wrong.

    Do NOT throw a banana peel in the trash! That just adds to landfill and waste. Throw it in the composting bin or, if your city supports it, the green waste bin. There’s absolutely no need to make something bio-degradable into garbage.


  2. LOL. Incremental trash disposal is a foreign concept in my house too, and it’s just two adults. The only time it gets taken care of is the night before trash day when the fiance decides it’s time to do a “trash run” by taking an empty trash bag around the house and collecting all the trash that never made it anywhere near a trash can.

    Sometimes for funsies he opens every cabinet and drawer in the kitchen, too. 🙂


  3. i just read your blog about kids hitting and started to follow you. this trash can debacle happens in my house to, that last post though. geesh the comments were insane. it never ceases to amze me how people can take a small point and analyze it into crazyness it was true it was funny. satire and irony for some reason escapes most of these people. i posted something on face book and everyone was suddenly offended my point was that people need to start takong personal responsibility for their bad choices and some how people commenting turned it into me attacking people who lose there homes totally missed the point cursing me out even. so inshort keep writing i love your writing style and i look forward to future blogs.


  4. I second that Torontonian point. In Portland, (where I live) if you don’t separate your recycling, compost and landfill trash, you get kicked out and forced to drink warm Bud Light all alone for the rest of your life, while all the responsible adults drink microbrews and fight about bicycle politics.


  5. E.v.e.r.y.F.l.i.p.p.i.n.D.a.y. I go over this with my kids AND my husband! It is seriously one of my biggest pet peeves. Although what really puts the icing on the cake for me is when they so kindly just drop their trash ONTO THE EFFING FLOOR and walk away!


  6. I think this is universal. Can I ask (though you might have mentioned it before) the merits of changing the toilet paper roll. Grab a new one, throw away the old one, replace with a new one.

    I live with 3 men, the trash/toilet paper epidemic in my house is almost a matter of national security, or something.


  7. LOVE this post 🙂 My boyfriend throws trash away without putting in a new bag and it drives me crazy. There should ALWAYS be a bag in the trash can, ESPECIALLY in the kitchen. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!


  8. I stumbled across your blog today, and have been reading it for the past 2 hours, I love it! You’re a really, really good writer, with a wonderful sense of humour.


  9. OMG Its so nice to know I”m not the only one! Seriously you’d think it was a fk-ing mystery. I just have one thing to add to it (maybe I’m the only one w/ this issue) – 6. Food trash ONLY goes in the kitchen garbage can. If you throw it in the little baby (for paper only) trash cans in the bed rooms or living room (that don’t get changed that often) it will rot and begin to smell and make the whole damn house smell like rotted food (and then I’ll want to beat you about the head and shoulders).

    ps – I’m only 3 posts in and I think you’re my new favorite blogger. Congrats.


  10. LOL! I just started following your blog, after reading the “You didn’t thank me for punching you in the face!” post. 😀 Loved it (*and* the follow-up post)!

    Re:Empty boxes in the pantry: My inclination would be just to leave them there! And the next time I went grocery shopping and failed to return with the desired item, I would just mention, “Oh, I saw the box in the pantry. I didn’t think we needed any.” It wouldn’t even matter to me if I couldn’t say it with a straight face (I probably couldn’t): Point made, Q.E.D. 🙂


  11. Oh-em-gee I’m sooo glad I came across this, so glad I’m not the only one! What gets me is when the garbage is set on the counter RIGHT NEXT TO the garbage can. It’s like, really? You were standing, RIGHT. THERE.

    New to your blog as of today and enjoying every second of it.


  12. you are not the only one… I wish we could attach shock collars to the kids, so when they forget things like above, then zap them…get their attention.
    They think I am mean, I have taken away the xbox and their cell phones, and guess what they still forget!


  13. I tried leaving the smudges on the refrig door, the spilled juice on the counter, the overflowing trash cans, and the cracker crumbs on the floor for a few days to let my 3 men in the house see their misdeeds. They didn’t even notice. So I created a mantra. As I clean, I say over and over, “God, thank you for these reminders that my family is here.”


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