Posted in Parenting and Random Shit

Why Dogs Are Better Than Cats

If you would be inclined to call this an opinion piece, you have an inclination to being wrong.  What I am going to explain to you is  nothing short of cold, hard facts.  I’m sorry to let the wind out of the sails of every cat lover that reads this but it is time that someone told you that you are devoting yourself to an inferior species of domesticated animal.

Let’s just start out with the most obvious reason, shall we?  Cats prefer to piss and shit in a box.  Inside your home.  Hell, they are trained to do so!  Now, how society has accepted this is beyond me.  The fact that most people can go to the homes of friends and family that own cats and remain completely oblivious to the plastic bin, usually in plain view,  that everyone knows contains cat shit and piss boggles the mind.  Strangely, if a dog owner were to train their dog to piss and shit in the same corner, even if it was on paper, and it was left out when people were over, rest assured that person would be judged a bit harshly.  Dogs, on the other hand, are trained to go outside.  While accidents do happen, especially with puppies, I have yet to hear of anyone throwing in the towel and dedicating a corner of their home as the dog’s restroom.  I am just sayin…

Another point is that dogs like to sleep when you like to sleep.  They are not nocturnal creepers.  When I go to bed, my dogs go to bed–whether it is a nap or down for the night.  Cats like to creep around and they make noise, climbing curtains or “meowing” around the house.

My dogs have never been compelled to use my furniture or curtains as manicure tools.

If someone walks into my house, my dogs are going to notify me.  Okay, okay–sometimes–alright, A LOT of times, I am alerted if someone walks BY the house.  Or drives by. Or is across the street.  Or if there is a gust of wind.  Or if there is oxygen present in the room.  NEVERTHELESS!!  I know when shit is going down!!  When is the last time you heard of a cat alerting a family of an intruder? That is, unless you are most worried about other cats breaching your property perimeter. 

My dogs don’t go pawing around in their crap and then take a leisurely stroll across the surfaces we prepare and eat food from.  I mean, sure, they would if they could but that is neither here nor there, since they don’t.

Hairballs.  Need I say more?

And the real, indisputable proof is this photograph I found:

On the back is written (translated from Aramaic): “Dogs are the best pet to have.  Cats are dumb.  I wonder how long it will take my Dad to realize that I decided to use his name, spelled backwards, when I named the best animal.  He is going to LOL”.

Argument over!  I win!

On top of all that, my dogs will kill mice and rats too.  They also kill stuffed animals but I am pretty sure that they do that in self-defense.


I am a stay at home mother with 4 children. I drink a lot of wine and curse like a sailor.

11 thoughts on “Why Dogs Are Better Than Cats

  1. Lol this is so funny and YES! I couldn’t agree more. I’d also like to point out how UNLOYAL and insensitive to people’s feelings cats are. Cruel and cold animals. I’ve also definitely seen that picture in the bible, probably on the cover of one as I’ve never actually read the thing


  2. Oh, you dog people crack me up. My wife and I have three cats and a dog. While the cats each have their faults (our oldest can sometimes be pretty vindictive, our middle cat likes to feel female guests up and our youngest farts) the three of them combined are less work and less expense then our one dog. He isn’t a bad dog, he is just a dog. By nature, they’re clingy and emotionally needy. They aren’t as smart as cats, our male cat can sense when you need some cuddling and when you don’t have any desire to have your hands covered in fur and he positions himself accordingly. The dog will press his dirty toys into your hand no matter what you’re doing. You just washed your hands? Here is a ball that I’ve covered in mud, slobber, and a little bit of my own hair. I want you to hold it now. Our cats sleep when we sleep; and when they don’t, they still manage to serve as small space heaters; magnifying my comfort. The dog tries to jump in the bed when he is bored and since he knows I don’t like that he just whines until I leave for work; ruining everyone’s sleep. My cats have an instinct to bury any mess they make, they know that shit is dirty and are ashamed of it; just like people. The dog tries to sniff out their messes so he can eat them. Then he goes outside so he can eat his own feces as well. I am not sure what nutritional role feces have in a dog’s diet, but one would think that if this Jesus loved dogs so much (and I am not sure he did, most dogs are Jewish) that he would have taught them how to make tacos so they wouldn’t have to eat shit. I think that dogs and cats both have their advantages but for a lazy person who cares about his personal hygiene to a somewhat silly degree, cats are absolutely preferable. At least until my local animal shelters start adopting out pet bears.


    1. If your dogs are clingy and emotionally needy, it probably just means that you let them breastfeed too long and you probably co-slept with them too. I don’t even let my dogs have toys because they are all over 2 years old and they don’t need to act like puppies. They needed to grow up and get jobs, which none of them have done! All four of them just lay around, then they wrestle, then they sleep, then they go outside to pee—but I catch them playing and I have to yell, “HEY! CUT THAT OUT! YOU’RE GROWN ASS DOGS” and they hang their heads in shame and go take naps. Now, as far as religion goes, none of my three males wear pants, so it is plain to see that they have never endured an afternoon with a mohel. My dogs are all Catholic, except for the Great Dane. He is an atheist and I think he has almost convinced the little mutt on the merits of evolution over creationism. Though, it has been no easy task. The Dane has been in there with books, pie charts, power point presentations—he has been trying to convince the other three like his life depended on it.
      If there is ever a panda bear adoption fair, I will be the first in line.


      1. Haha, he probably did spend to much time on the teat, the mongrel was born at the shelter where his mother lived. According to the lady that fostered him he would take naps with her. That shoulda been my first red flag. The kid is still under a year in people years so I don’t really fault him for the clingyness (sp?) but apparently his breeds (pit bull and cattle dog) need toys or they will eat your house.

        Pandas are a good idea, they don’t eat people usually and they aren’t smart enough to procreate so someone has got to take care of them.


        1. My parents have a Blue Heeler and he would play with a football until he dropped dead as long as there was someone to keep throwing or kicking the ball for him to fetch. My Dane and Lab enjoy hunting and killing stuffed animals. There have been countless stuffed animal massacres in my living room. I admit, I have helped hide all the bodies.


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