Posted in Parenting and Random Shit

Children’s Programming Sucks! Chapter One

Who comes up with this shit? I am convinced that whoever conceives these ideas is either A) on drugs B) psychologically and intellectually stunted or C) an soulless piece of shit who intends to drive a large portion of the population into insanity.

Let us begin with what has become visual crack for my youngest: Callou. I would rather him watch “Faces of Death” than this whine fest. First of all, Caillou whines more in one 25 minute episode than all three of my children have in ten years, combined. The sound of this character makes me want to punch myself in the face. Second of all, why the fuck is he bald? He is four fucking years old. Does he have alopecia or cancer? Then there is his even more annoying sister, Rosie. This little bitch talks in the third person and no one, not one person, corrects her. I don’t care how fucking young your kid is, if they start talking in third person, correct them so they don’t turn into some asshat that bestows a douchy nickname upon themselves, like “the Situation” but I digress. Then there is the entire concept. Caillou is a whiny ass little brat, with a whiny little sister who refers to herself in the third person and they have a bunch of super annoying friends who all suck too. The best thing I can say for Caillou is that, at least, his parents are around.

Which brings me to Dora. Where the fuck are Dora’s parents? How many times does this kid have to get lost before someone calls the proper authorities and reports her parents for neglect? Are they sleeping off the crack? When your kid comes home day after day and is telling you how she got lost and some weasel was after her trying to steal her shit, maybe you should pay the fuck attention. When your kid is telling you day after day about her talking animal friends, maybe you should have her drug tested or take her to a psychiatrist. Also, if your kid is standing next to the fucking forest and asks, “where is the forest?”, get her some corrective fucking eyewear.

Yo Gabba Gabba is the creation of some serious mind altering drugs. I am pretty sure it all makes sense for children taking acid.

This list is the tip of the iceberg, for me. Let me know what shows drive you insane.

Author:

I am a stay at home mother with 4 children. I drink a lot of wine and curse like a sailor.

15 thoughts on “Children’s Programming Sucks! Chapter One

  1. The kids show that I -like- the most was Jane and the Dragon. So much so that I had to download it. Some of the jokes are relatively funny even to adult standards, and because the show is set in a realistic time period, there’s no flashy gimmicks to entice advertising and manufactured goods.

    If I hear the “Map” song by Dora one more time…there will be no survivors. Some of my friends sing it just to piss me the fuck off.

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  2. Calliou’s whiny little voice makes my ears bleed. And why doesn’t he have hair? If Calliou has cancer or something, I totally retract the last remark.

    Mami & Papi are around for Dora more than Max & Ruby’s parents. Never seen them. There is a 10 year old rabbit raising her little rabbit brother, and riding the bus, and buying him jeans. CPS where are you?

    My kids love YGG. I try to leave the room at this point. Although I must say, the “yummy in my tummy” song made my kid try brussel sprouts…so I give them a pass.

    Hilarious as always!

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  3. Max and Ruby is the one that makes me pull my hair out. I also hate the books – I personally can’t stand anything by Rosemary Wells. Of course my 5 yo keeps taking them out of the school library. But the show is 30million times worst, the annoying robot thing over and over and Max saying one word and Ruby being all on her high horse talking down to him. Ugh. And yes, it is crack to my kids.

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  4. Ugh, Max & Ruby I hate…but also cannot stand The Wonder Pets. Seriously, the duck with the lisp is super fucking annoying and what a great way to teach kids to pronounce words incorrectly.

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