Posted in Parenting and Random Shit

The “F” Word

You know the one I am talking about.  That’s right, the dreaded “F” word–FEMINISM. I hear in conversation and see, via Facebook, blogs, etc, women distancing themselves from the feminist label.  Looking at the dictionary definition of feminism:

Feminism-the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.

Can someone please tell me why people, especially women, would denounce this ideology?  How did the word “feminism” become so offensive?  I hear or read, too many times, women prefacing sentences with the disclaimer, “I am not a feminist or anything BUT…”.  Are you fucking kidding me?  Are these women aware that, even today, women get paid $.70 on the dollar that men make for doing the same job?  Are these women aware that, statistically, 1 in 4 women are raped?  Are these women so willing to just accept, even defend, this status quo or is it just that they have subscribed to a polluted version of feminism?

Being a feminist doesn’t mean that you have to burn your bra, shave your head and wear Birkenstocks.  You don’t have to hate men and vow to become a vagina-tarian.  We feminists are even okay with you shaving your body hair and washing and styling the hair on your head, if you so desire.  You are allowed to love shoes, jewelry and even penis!  Radicals exist in every subset of society.  Lumping all feminists in with a handful militant man haters is like assuming all white men are members of the KKK.

One of my favorite quotes, regarding feminism is:  I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is:  I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a door mat or a prostitute.  ~Rebecca West, “Mr Chesterton in Hysterics: A Study in Prejudice,” The Clarion, 14 Nov 1913, reprinted in The Young Rebecca, 1982

You are a feminist if:

  • You agree that salaries shouldn’t be contingent on whether or not you are sporting an innie or an outie in your pants.
  • You are able to accept acts of courtesy and chivalry without confusing such gestures with condescension.  In other words, you can acknowledge that opening the door for someone or having the door opened for you is an act of courtesy but having the gesture followed by the statement, “I just had to get a good look at that ass.” is absolutely not.
  • If you don’t consider the pursuit of or demonstration of knowledge/intelligence to be a female flaw.
  • You do or will hold your daughter(s) to the same  standards as your son(s), academically and otherwise.  Your expectations for your children and their futures are not determined by their genitals.
  • You acknowledge that women have the right and ability to manage a family and career but support their right to forgo either.

You are not a feminist if:

  • You think that women’s career choices should be limited to making men sandwiches, cleaning up the kitchen, having babies or making babies.
  • You teach your daughter that college is only a place to find a husband.
  • You think “check out the cans on that bitch” is a compliment and you hope your daughter(s) get to feel the joy of having those words said about/to them, at least once, in their lifetimes.
  • You believe that copping a quick feel is a perfectly acceptable way for a man to convey his interest to a woman.  Your daughter, as well, will understand that getting groped by random men should not be met with indignation but flattery.  She should base her value on how many men want to sleep with her.
  • You don’t feel women should demonstrate intelligent or independent thought or hold an opinion that dissents from the majority.  As a result, you will teach your daughter(s) to act stupid, especially in front of men.  Rather than draw attention to their brains, they should draw attention to their boobs.
  • You think the best universal answer for a woman to give, when asked any question, is a high-pitched giggle and an “I don’t know.  I don’t get it.  I like pink.”.


Personally, I consider myself a feminist and I can only hope that my daughter AND my sons will wear the “feminist” label proudly.


I am a stay at home mother with 4 children. I drink a lot of wine and curse like a sailor.

4 thoughts on “The “F” Word

  1. As a male, I often think that because I only have a cursory biological understanding of ladyparts, I should probably not tell people what to do with theirs. Accordingly, I appreciate not being told how to manage my mantackle as long as I am not acting as an aggressor with it. It then strikes me as strange that there are so many people in the world who need to remind people that ladyparts and mantackle are for procreation and that any use not for the aforementioned babymaking comes with a mandatory stay in Hell.

    I assume Hell must be the fun place since its pretty clear those people know how to have a good time.


  2. The problem with “feminism” is the same as the current problem with “Christian” or “Republican.” It’s perfectly legitimate for you to be one, but the sheer number of crazies also using those titles make you a little bit shy to announce it. I do believe that women should get paid as much as a man for performing as well as a man in a particular job role. But I do not feel that women are necessarily best-suited for certain types of work. And I was a soldier for many, many years (and I am a woman), so I have lived this. Physiological differences between men and women typically mean (yes, there are exceptions!) that men are favored in certain roles requiring a certain level of strength, for instance. The reason I am hesitant to call myself a feminist is that the term has been co-opted by man-haters, and the type of women who insist that the owner of a strip club should not be allowed to fire one of his strippers for becoming morbidly obese. Or the fact that some laws (like who receives custody of children after a divorce, or why a man has to pay child support for a child he wanted aborted [if it’s “her body, her choice,” couldn’t it be legally argued that a byproduct of that choice be sole financial responsibility?]) are so heavily in favor of women. Just like anything else, “feminism” needs to be tempered with common sense. That being said, I am an ardent supporter of women’s equal rights. Please don’t hate me! 😉


    1. Let me start out by saying that I am an Air Force veteran. Furthermore, my job was air traffic control, a previously male dominated career field. I have to disagree that a being equipped with a vagina, in and of itself, is grounds to disqualify women from specific jobs. I’ve known plenty of women that could outlast and outperform a man.
      In regards to laws that require men to pay child support to a child they wanted aborted: The law of equality requires that similarly situated persons be treated equal. When a man and woman consent to sex, they are similarly situated. They BOTH, with the knowledge that sex can result in pregnancy, have the option to abstain or use birth control. If they dismiss those options or an option fails and the sex results in pregnancy, the two parties are no longer similarly situated. Once a woman is pregnant, the parties are no longer similarly situated and, thus, cannot be treated as legal equals. Since it is the pregnant woman is the only one must assume all the risks of pregnancy and birth or termination, the choice is hers to make. Once the child is born, the parties are, once again, similarly situated (as parents) and have equal rights and equal responsibility to the child.
      If we gave men the right to “financial abortion”, it would be a detriment to the child, who had no say in the matter. At the end of the day, it is considered preferable that the child be priorityzed and the onsenting sexual partners responsible for procreating take responsibility, rather than the tax payers.

      PS Don’t hate you a bit! I love the conversation!


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