People misuse words and phrases all. the. fucking. time. Depending on different variables, it can be irritating but, regardless, it is always amusing.
Pay attention class, there will be a pop quiz:
- “I love my husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend unconditionally.”-Do you even understand the definition of UNCONDITIONAL? Here is the bottom line: If you have a single brain cell, an ounce of dignity or a smidge of self-worth, you do not love that person unconditionally. Let me tell you something, I love my husband completely but you can bet your sweet ass that there are conditions on that love. I can’t guarantee I would or could still love him if he cheated on me, beat me or hurt one of our children. Do the people who make this claim understand, at all, what they are saying? Would they really be willing, much less able, to love that person if they were found to be a murderer, rapist or pedophile? I know I couldn’t. I would say the closest you will ever come to knowing unconditional love is the love for your children.
- “For all intensive purposes”- The correct phrase is “For all INTENTS AND PURPOSES.” and means, basically, “for all reasonable/practical purposes”. What the fuck is an intensive purpose?
- “He/She did a complete 360.”-So, what you are saying is that they have come full circle and are back to where they started from. If you are trying to say that someone made a complete change, you would say they did a “180”, indicating that they did a total turnaround.
- Nauseous v. Nauseated-If something or someone is “nauseous”, they induce or cause nausea. If one is nauseated, they feel sick. Rotten fish is nauseous. Body odor is nauseous. Both these things have the potential to make one nauseated. If you say you are nauseous, you are saying that you cause others to feel nauseated.
- Irregardless- This one is another one that gets under my skin and you will probably see me bitch about it countless times. Regardless means “without regard”. Adding the prefix -ir to the word only makes it redundant, meaning “without without regard”.
- “My kids are LITERALLY climbing the walls.”-Well, then get a fucking video camera because you are going to be rich. Literally means “without exaggeration”. When you say shit like “My head literally exploded.”, I literally want to punch you in the fucking face. Learn the difference between literally and figuratively. Thanks.
Don’t fucking tell me “Oh, those are in the dictionary”, either. Dictionaries no longer prescriptive, as they originated. They are now all descriptive, meaning they describe language. The fact that society now has an overwhelming majority of vapid fuckwits wandering freely doesn’t mean that those of us that value the proper use of grammar and diction have to join their ranks. Dictionaries list “irregardless” as a word because there is an abundance of fucktards that use it. Dictionaries added the definition of figurative to the word literal because there is a plethora of asshats that see a dress they like and say “I literally died”. The existence of countless dumbasses in society doesn’t mean I am going to fall in line.
Look, I don’t claim to be perfect. I dangle participles and end my sentences in prepositions all. the. fucking. time. The above errors, however, are so blatant. Just stop it. It will keep you from looking like a total dipshit and keep me from writing blogs about how fucking stupid you sound. Everyone is happy.