Posted in Parenting and Random Shit

Things That Make Me go Hmmmmmm

  1. Drug commercials that recite a list of side effects, arguably worse than the ailment it is meant to treat, as if it were a grocery list and, more so, the people that see these commercials, hear these side effects and still seek out the drugs.  The ones that say “(insert drug name) may cause suicidal thoughts or actions.” are my favorite.  Correct me if I am wrong but suicidal action would be the act or attempted act of committing suicide.  If suicide or anal leakage is a potential side effect, I’m just going to stick with whatever ails me.  Thankyouverymuch.
  2. Parents that boast about the size of their infant’s junk.  This phenomenon has always been odd to me, yet it is so common.  Look, I think your brand new son is beautiful and I don’t mind hearing all about the birth but please, please, for the love of vodka, stop just short of telling me what an impressive dick and/or set of balls your newborn boy is sporting.  Seriously.  How the fuck am I supposed to respond when you, a new parent, says “And, oh my GAWD! He has the biggest balls!  That’s my boy!”?  What do I say?  “Oh, really?  Let me check them out!!”?  How would others feel if parents boasted on about their newborn daughter’s vagina?  That would probably illicit a phone call to the authorities.  It’s just weird.  I’m just sayin…
  3. People who hold doors open for someone who is a mile and fucking half away.  I appreciate the gesture, sincerely, but if I am more than 10 feet from the door, feel free to walk in and not worry about me.  I am less bothered by opening the door for myself than I am the self-imposed obligation to haul ass to the door to keep you from standing there holding it open.  Furthermore, why is it that people will hold a door open for a person that is 50 yards away from the door but if I am 5 feet from the door with a kid hanging off one hip, pushing a stroller, holding a diaper bag and trying to keep a hand on a preschooler, people slip through the door and act as if I am invisible.  Assholes.
  4. Why am I the only person in my household that seems to have been able to figure out the extremely complex method of removing and replacing empty toilet paper rolls?
  5. When someone takes the seat right next to you in an otherwise empty waiting area.   PERSONAL SPACE!
  6. When a couple sits on the same side of the booth at a restaurant, leaving the other side empty.
  7. People that say that everyone’s beliefs/opinions have merit and/or deserve respect.  Bullshit.  If your opinion is the earth is flat, I will not respect that opinion, much less concede that it holds any merit.
  8. Women that say “I don’t have female friends.” or “I have just never gotten along with girls.”.  These women believe that the only logical conclusion is that the problem lies within every woman that they have ever encountered.  The implication is that every other woman is unable to put aside her own rabid jealousy to forge a relationship with this person.  Give me a fucking break.  If you, as a woman, don’t have any female friends, the common denominator is you.  Just because men will sleep with you doesn’t mean they want to be your friend.  It means they want their dick to befriend your vagina.
  9. When parents correct a child for hitting by spanking him/her.  Suffice it to say, the irony is not lost on me.
  10. People who refuse to use spell check.  Most browsers have spell check built in.  Fucking use it!

Author:

I am a stay at home mother with 4 children. I drink a lot of wine and curse like a sailor.

3 thoughts on “Things That Make Me go Hmmmmmm

  1. I am right with you on all of it..except the spanking. It’s a life lesson. You knock the shit out of someone, you will likely get knocked out yourself. Natural consequences, little bitches! It might not be effective, but it feels good.

    (do I need to post a disclaimer in case certain people take me too seriously?)

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