He is so adorable and so chubby and sweet looking, I never saw this coming. He runs over, staring at you with his big brown eyes, and at the last minute he opens his mouth and sinks in those teeth. Yes. It is true. I can barely say it out loud but here goes: My youngest child has OBVIOUSLY turned into a vampire. At the slightest provocation, he is willing to sink his teeth into any exposed patch of flesh to satisfy his thirst for blood.
I have been doing some research, since coming to terms with my son’s transformation into one of hell’s minions but the information is conflicting. One researcher says that vampires cannot go out in daylight or they will spontaneously combust or something similar, while another says that vampires can, in fact, go into the sunlight and their skin will sparkle as if they had their entire body vagazzled. So, I am confused. My son can go out into the sunlight without bursting into flames but he does not look like a fairy that was rolled around in a truckload of glitter, either. Do you think he might have some form of vampire eczema that could explain this or do I accept the other research that says that the glitter skin is bullshit?
Most of the research tends to agree that vampires possess some degree of powers and some research indicates that they can hypnotize or “glamour” their victims. He DOES possess this ability. He can look at you and you will believe that he is going to approach you and hug you or kiss you and then, suddenly, he is going in for the kill! I need to create some sort of warning system so that unsuspecting innocents can be made aware that he is a demon cleverly disguised as a little, chubby angel. Don’t be fooled.
I have tried to time out and he continues to try to make meals of the family. I am conducting further research on how to remedy or tame him. I would prefer to consider staking as an absolute last resort.